You Only Have 1% of Your Relationship Remaining

Here's why you should never miss an opportunity to see large groups of people you care about.

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On deployment in Iraq, I missed the passing and funeral of 3 grandparents and a slew of weddings.

When I came home, I swore to myself that I would not miss opportunities to see important people in person.

It’s such a rare occasion that we gather with large groups of people we care about, and COVID robbed us of valuable years of socializing.

I’m not sure if I am more sensitive to the rarity of these opportunities because of that deployment or because of the isolation we endured during COVID, but I really value the hell out of a chance to see people in person.

So when the opportunity to see my USNA classmates at our 10-year reunion arose, it was such an obvious choice to attend the event that I didn’t give it much thought.

We hadn’t gathered as a class in years, but my classmates were among the most formative relationships I’ve ever had. They pushed me to become a better version of myself and expected more of me than I thought I was capable of.

I have a somewhat busy schedule, though admittedly the entire point of working for yourself is to control your schedule so that you don’t have to miss these events.

So when I heard that classmates from the US Naval Academy were skipping our 10-year reunion, I was bummed.

This week, I wanted to write about a framework I think is helpful in motivating you to RSVP “yes” to these types of events. My goal is to impress upon you just how rare these opportunities are.

Time Marches Forward

At the Naval Academy, I spent 4 years interacting with classmates.

During that formative period of our lives, we spent roughly 18 hours a day together.

Over the course of the year, we probably spent 1 of 12 months apart for summer leave (though we sometimes went on trips together during this time). Including additional breaks in the year, I would estimate we spent a total of 6 of 52 weeks apart.

(18 hours) x (7 days / week) x (46 weeks / year) x (4 years) = 23,184 hours

If you add in the additional training and deployments we endured with various classmates, that number increases, but 23k hours is quite a bit of time!

If we live until age 72, that means we have USNA reunions in 2027, 2032, 2037, 2042, 2047, 2052, 2057, and 2062 to look forward to before the great noon-meal formation in the sky.

Let’s assume we stay in Annapolis for 2 days of events and pull some all-nighters to dance with our fake hips at Pussers (our favorite late-night spot).

(24 hours) x (2 days) x (8 more reunions) = 384 hours

Ok, so we still get to spend some time together, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not much!

384 / (384 + 23,184) = 1.6%

1.6% is a teeny tiny little bit of the total pie

1.6% of our time together is all that’s left!?

This is a bit of a macabre way to look at things, but it is true - if you are diligent about attending each of these events and omit sleep, you really only have a very small portion of your total relationship remaining.

98.4% of the time I will spend with these classmates is in the past. In this light, it seems pretty damn important to get a chance to spend time with one another!

Do yourself a favor and do NOT do this math for relationships with your parents. Unless you’re considering skipping a chance to see them - in that case, do the math.

I hope this mental model reinforces the importance of sharing time with those you care about!

TLDR: I’ve never regretted going to a function to spend time with people I care about.

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Have you gone to an in-person event recently? How do you evaluate what to say yes/no to? What events are you looking forward to in the coming months?

Best,

Brendan